spoonfulof

sry

Fri, 02 May 2008 23:48:14 GMT

i've abandoned posting in my lj (though i still cmnt/lurk everyday, at least!) because i've moved most of this stuff to either
A,) my real journal
B.) my tumblr: http://silverbuttons.tumblr.com/

i still have trouble with the lj html. so sue me.

spring breaky

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:48:36 GMT

please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.
please don't make me go to crew practice tonight.

WE NEED A THUNDERSTORM AND WE NEED IT BEFORE 4:30 PM

just stop it.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:51:18 GMT

stop changing my friends. please. stop coating their eyes in make-up, shortening all of their skirts,. stop. you aren't amazing. i want my friends they way they used to be. now, i never see them. not just their old selves but their physical beings. i am jealous. you have them all the time.

for all we know

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:54:51 GMT

i have crew practice tomorrow. tomorrow morning. tomorrow morning at 7 am. afterwards, sarah and i are getting breakfast at Simply Delicious.

i have really slacked off when it comes to my journal/homework this week. crew has been my life. i love, love, love my life. just not at 7 am on a saturday. mmm my dad is out of town, rejoice, rejoice. the less people in the house, the better. i can't wait to get my own place.

the blisters on my hand are insane. as is my mother. i have a blank hallpass though, and i'm saving it up for something good.

ooooooh.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:46:54 GMT

can i just express how amazing my weekend was? because it was incredible.

thursday-
ate chinese @ sarah's.
stalked around to try to find that hot kid.
watched super bad

friday-
woke up, obvs.
ate bagels with cream cheese on her roof.
brows waxed.
downloaded 38974 songs will recommended me.
tori + her boyfriend picked me up.
went rollerblading, listening to hxc bands play, only the last one was good (devils under the influence).
dropped trey off.
went back to tori's for sleep.

saturday-
woke up at 5. brutal.
drove to kristin's, then school, to pick up caity to join the kristin/tori/lizzy car.
drove to ohio, listening to 2 of the 38974 songs will recommended me, mostly having anna nalick on repeat.
ate bagels, no cream cheese.
raced, got third. caught a crab, but no biggie.
played.
took pictures.
listened to kristin's fairy tale.
beat up sarah.
taught self defense moves with sarah.
wussy streetfighting with sarah.
watched dave/pat/tobias walk around almost naked.
avoided those bathrooms at all costs.
ate subway.
didn't like subway.
got sunburn like no other.

hi hi hi there

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:56:19 GMT

i'm doing things for attention now. i'm not even going to deny that. i just realllyyyy need a text message or an IM or a call or a hug or a wave or a smile or a comment or a "hey".

but lately, this week so far, i've been in a trance. it's so lovely. i've been in a beautiful daze, caused by the love of rowing, the love of boys (if i don't mention the word 'boy' in every other entry, God strike me down), the love of laughing.

strangely enough, i'm kind of excited to start my history homework. so maybe, after my conversation with Sarah (who has been full of 'lol's all day) and ignoring erica's IMs. and kevin's who is bugging me about history. hum hum hum.

also, i've been doing really well with my journal (!!!!) and updating every day. last night i didn't go to bed until late because i needed to write/draw. it's so cool. i want to get it published, and totally would but i would come off as a major stalker. but i am a stalker so, whatever.

....

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:09:30 GMT

i honestly do not trust any of my friends anymore. nothing is secret. nothing is sacred. nothing is worth it.

i have been reminded

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 03:28:46 GMT

not to trust nor rely on anyone.

the more i'm around them, the more i destroy myself.

today was not a good day. this week was not a good week. i have always hated march, and the past several days are a perfect example for my reasoning.

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:18:10 GMT

i feel happy.
i feel like a big bubble.
that is going to explode with smaller bubbles.
that will explode all over the place.
and build up again.
to a big bubble.
again.
to explode with small ones once more.

black holes and revelations.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:12:06 GMT

so my updates will be spazzy-er than normal. i have been writing an actual journal for the last couple days and love it. it's better than this because i can draw little doodles that basically sum up my day. perhaps i'll scan the funny ones this weekend.

today kind of stinks. i started lol-ing hysterically when presenting this group power point thing about women reformers, because ani and i have a joke about mother jones (mama jay) and how i was gonna post this picture that i wrote "my milkshake brings all the boys" on using ms paint.

so the presentation was like "mother jones knew what it was like *accidentally makes eye contact with a laughing ani* haha... to hahaha live a hahahah lonely life. her husband died ahahhahah and hahahah her ahahhaha house ahahahhah burned to the hahahha ground. ahahahha!"

i am swallowing the lump in my throat

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:29:43 GMT

oh how my imagination gives me such false hopes!
but i am going to rewatch the empowering Crocker video, shower, write, and sleep.

tomorrow, i'll probably spill all of my guts, but today, i don't have enough in me to make one/then to make it private.

enough for the night

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 03:56:00 GMT

though i am still empowered by the whole codependent speech chris crocker gave via youtube yesterday, i would not mind having a boyfriend who was tall.
i mean exceptionally tall.

just so we could take cute pictures like

uh huh.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:02:04 GMT

lalalala,
i'll update with something cool/flashy/fabulous later.
+listening to: Freek-A-Leek by Petey Pablo
+wearing: mugglecast tee shirt and sweats. did i mention that i'm shaking with coldness.
+watching: nuffin.
+fretting over: mmm nothing as of now.
+longing for: food. companionship.
+munching on: nothing. that's the problem.
+sipping: nothing.
+deeply thinking about: considering i'm listening to a song that repeats "how ya like it daddy?", nothing significant is entering my thought train.
+reading: about that....
+wishing that: i could have seen the musical. i feel guilty like a little shit.

:)

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 01:05:05 GMT

for the last, what? six entries? at least two months, i've been bitching about not having a boyfriend. i've been lusting over the impossible, losing all hope in myself and my future.

but today was just... good. it wasn't remarkable, it won't change my life, it was just good. a pick me up from the weeks of "bad days" that have been messing with my hair and heart and mind and body, a relief. i went to school, with plans to hug this really tall senior who's friends with tori. though those fell through (it would have been super awkward anyways), my day stayed quite good.

tori stayed after school today and watched the azn invzn clique play ping pong for the table tennis club. i drank cloudy fountain from my amber nalgene that's about 6 oz too big. and i came home and ate pilsbury toaster strudels. my dad said we're having hamburgers tonight, so naturally, i grew sad again. however, i think im going to be eating super tasty left over pasta, so all is well.

anyways, here's the main message.

i went onto youtube. chris crocker has made a new video.
it's about co-dependency and how you can "love yourself, fuck yourself, and feed yourself". normally, i groan at seeing another chris video. but when he said "you don't need a boyfriend, be your own boyfriend" i felt like leaving a thousand and one "thank you" videos.
not because i wanted an AMEN! moment. but because i needed that slap in the face from a Britney Spears fanatic.

i've been on my own fifteen years. i'm sure that is kind of an exaggeration, i mean, i DO have family. i was never alone per say. but never have i had somebody hold my hand, walk me through my own life. i can be independent. why all of a sudden should all of this change? i have more goals in life than trying to bag a boy who will probably forget me after taking my virginity or something equally dramatic/tragic?

anyways, my lesson has been learned. of course there is a boy(s) i want. but i don't need. i don't need anyone anymore.

more procrastinating efforts.

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:14:47 GMT

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly (No lyric hunting! That is cheating!)

01. uh. uh. uh. snoop. kellz. i pulled up get low in the phantom, wheels spinnin', ladies like "thaaas thhaaat shh."
02. in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey.
03. let's bounce. can't you see you always agree?
04. virginia's almost sleeping, the night is getting older.
05. kick it! you wake up late for school and you don't wanna go.
06. all the times are done. fear but never gone.
07. i command you in the name of lucifer. oh my god!
08. he smiles when she's not looking. she daydreams when he's not there.
09. i got your picture, i'm comin' with you.
10. this is 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will
11. are you scared to walk through the hallways? are you worried that the spiders run away?
12. cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort. suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding.
13. say goodnight and go. whoaaa.
14. you are my sweetest downfall. i loved you first.
15. it's christmas we're talkin' about!

hahahaahhaha

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:00:42 GMT

is it really terrible that i find it HILARIOUS that i STILL haven't started my bazillion point enrichment history 6-8 page research paper on the urban experiences of the Great Depression?
because i'm laughing. like literally laughing.

i am such a God Awful student. every one of my peers has theirs finished. and they're all like "ooh i read 389247 novels about it".

i haven't even begun my adventures on wikipedia.

LOLOLOLOL.

i plan on skipping school on tuesday to get it done. if my mom doesn't let me well... no. she's going to let me.

electropop hot.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 21:23:12 GMT

hello, hello, helloooooo.
i have a massively massive accelerated history report worth 348973289 points assigned weeks ago and due wednesday that i REALLY should be working on unless i actually WANT to commit suicide due to the immense stress that is to come with doing it.
but i totally don't feel like working on/starting it. i am such a bad student, the other kids are like 80% done with theirs and i haven't started research.

i may have to blow maddie's off tonight to work on it. and maybe i can go to b&n and get a book on the depression, focusing on the urban trauma. honestly, i am so screwed for this project.

ps. i am going to pretend to be really super confident, not cocky, just not my normal, super insecure self. it's what all the cool kids are doing.

orange orange orange

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 23:06:58 GMT

101 days until school's out.
122 days until i turn sixteen.

i'm singing "Night Timing" by Coconut Records. it's pretty fabulous.

ps. if i die, it's because i'm trying to get out of letting down my best friend. so... if i don't update for a few months, that probably means i've peaced out for good.
or that i forgot about lj again...

i have a crush on italic fonts.

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 02:38:41 GMT

Well It’s a pretty good day.
I’m lookin’ forward to tomorrow
To have a pretty good day.
Again...

I thought that was cute. Lyrics from Good Day by Luce, another song Maddie recommended.

Today was pretty excellent though. Crew was canceled due to all the snow *hurray!* so I finished Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and hung around. Tomorrow will be great, so I am very pumped.

1-Meet Talia & Saaaarah @ Crepe Place for lunchy
2-4-Hit up 1.) The Gap 2.) Vicky's 3.) Sephora 4.) Cool funky card store 5.) American Apparel, cos I know they'll drag me in there
5-Call Maddie and tell her I miss her. Okay, so that isn't planned, but it's inevitable. She's going to Boston *cries*.
UNKNOWN-Charlie Bartlett with Tori?

I'M GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 02:39:27 GMT

instead of editing my last one... two... posts like most people, i decided to waste space and write yet ANOTHER entry.
it's based purely on my Skins obsession.

i love you cassie and i want to be you only less anorexic and addicted to pills.

i stole that image off one of the 3728643785 communities i joined on here, sorry if i didn't credit you. i'm a LJ n00b, obvs.

TWICE WITHIN TEN MINUTES. I THINK YES.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 02:35:00 GMT

+listening to: West Coast.
+wearing: FCC tee shirt. i won that bitch. oh but pj pants also.
+watching: nothing.
+fretting over: boy(s), friends, life in general.
+longing for: bo(s), friends, a life in general.
+munching on: i had a peanut m&m like 4 second ago. if that counts for anything.
+sipping: peppermint tea. it smells tasty.
+deeply thinking about: that kid who has a really cool nose. like it's totally faris rotter from the horrors.
+reading: nothing. sad, sad, sad.
+wishing that: i could stop being so whiny.

this is an attempt to make up for my poor updating skills mentioned in the entry posted five minutes ago. i like these very brief survey things.
i like to look back and read the old ones. too bad this is only my second one because I NEVER FREAKING UPDATE.

ps. i have given up swearing. not really for Lent since i'm not really religious. just because i think it's a bad habit i ought to break.

i miss you. i'm goin' back home to the west coast. neerneerneer.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 02:29:05 GMT

i forget to update often. but i always mentally do. i always make mental LJ updates about life. but by the time i finally remember to log in, i forget about whatever philosophical nonsense is up.

:(

one day, i'll make a useful entry.

is your bed made? is your sweater on?

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 22:06:30 GMT

i cannot believe i have four more years of this left.
survival is questionable.

OMFG

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:41:07 GMT

somebody with fifteen dollars and a credit card handy, please buy me:

http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/sunglasses/male

how rad would mads and i be in our little ode to corey delaney outfits?

tee shirt

yankees hat.

the nip.

i have yet to find funny er... worthy enough sunglasses. so i challenge you to find some for me.

but this is how i am and you are: and it's real life.

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:22:38 GMT

today i feel like one big Bright Eyes' song lyric rolled into a five foot five mannequin of flesh and mediocre apparel.
i also realized that by reading an approximate six, hefty novels, and watching the perfectly narrated A Clockwork Orange, my way of thinking has transformed into a well polished sense of mental speech. i also think i've become more observant, more prone to saayy...

last night, my parents and i were driving down to get dinner. my eyes were glued to people out the window, living their life in the circle i smeared across the frosted glass. it was then i came to the realization that these people, were no more than that to me. they weren't a mother, a child of seven, a dedicated worker, a prodigy, a talented musician, an up and coming artist, an award winner, a baker, a burnout, a quitter, a divorcee, a groomsmen, a chef, a best friend, a poseur, a killer, an addict, a poet, a librarian, a menace, nothing. but as little as they mean to me, is as little as i mean to the world. everyone is forgotten. nobody can be remembered forever. in another thousand years or so, nobody will know oprah winfrey or osama binladen or paula dean or benjamin franklin or henry the eighth. i wonder if people will remember the greek myths or the sesame street theme song. nothing is timeless. from my fleeting eureka! moment, i have finally, truly, understood this. all of us, all of our actions, our feelings, make up a tiny molecule which is the world and its history.

which is a quite a shame, to say the least. i take time, effort, and pride in making my life as detailed as i can. i prefect my routines, i write down everything interesting i hear, i highlight lines in the papers, i print out the pictures i like, i memorize the songs i love. but knowing all the words to saturday as usual by bright eyes isn't making up one half of a trivial spec called the world.